By Dan Long on October 8th, 2009
I watch TV sometimes. I listen to the radio sometimes. I decided to log all phrases that I hear over and over again in commercials and other similar venues; phrases that have been rendered meaningless by overuse and misuse. Here are a few, for starters:
Phrase: “Guaranteed!”
Location: In every commercial ever (especially infomercials)
Translation: ”We know you’ll be too lazy to return the product anyway, so we say ‘guaranteed’ just to make you feel good about buying it to begin with.”
Phrase: “Studies have shown” (also, “New study finds”)
Location: Internet home page news articles
Translation: “Grant money was wasted on this series of tests that will probably be contradicted by another series of tests that will also waste grant money. This story is good for filler on a slow news day, not much else.”
Phrase: “In these uncertain times” (also, “In times like these”)
Location: Most insurance and investment commercials, other advertisements
Translation: “We think you’re too dumb to realize that every one of our commercials since 1973 has started with this phrase.”
Phrase: “New look, same great taste!”
Location: All new packaging of any food/drink product
Translation: “We’re just too damn lazy to think of something else to say when introducing new packaging. Just appreciate the comfort of something you’ve heard a hundred times.”
Phrase: “We shop other stores to adjust our prices to be lowest every day.”
Location: Most electronics commercials, other advertisements
Translation: “We don’t really do this, because really, everyone claims to do this. If you call us out on a product at our store that is more expensive than a competitor, we’ll just match their price to shut you up, no harm done.”
Lots, lots more to come. This is just the beginning.
Go there to see my contribution, would ya? And check out the other artist contributions while you’re there, and peruse Bearman’s single-panel politically themed strips- there are strips a-plenty.
