I’m embracing the early Christmas celebrations here in November. Today, I bought a marshmallow-filled chocolate Santa. I noticed, while eating him, that a marshmallow-filled chocolate Santa is like the reverse of real Santa, being crunchy on the outside and chewy on the inside. I ate him head first, to end the suffering more quickly. I saw a kid eating a chocolate Santa feet-first once, and got kind of angry at how heartless he was at such a young age. Don’t tell me they don’t know any better. They know.