Too many trees overhang my morning walk. Every morning I hear the shuffling and rustling of branches above my head. Leaves fall around me. Soon, a squirrel will land on my head. I know it.
But I haven’t accepted it yet. So, I thought about wearing a football helmet. But then, what if the squirrel lands on the face mask, and bounces into my face, thereby trapped between my face and the mask? Okay, no football helmet. How about an umbrella? Then, the umbrella’s height might be high enough to hit the branches, knocking squirrels from the branches that otherwise wouldn’t have fallen. Is there any solution, other than me walking around in one of those ultra-padded police dog training sumo outfits? If there is, I hope they sell it for cheap at Wal-Mart sometime soon, because I would thoroughly enjoy peace of mind at low, low prices.
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Mmmm, diseased turkey. It’s great since it’s so cheap!
Also: motorcycle helmet. Full enclosure, no way for a squirrel to get in by falling.
Yep, diseased meat, just fine as long as you cook it up nice. Motorcycle helmet- good idea. It even has the tinted mask for sunny days.
Usually the turkey thermometer goes into a different orifice.
This is a family comic. Well, not really.
Hey yeah! It’s obvious D’s never cooked one of these birds before…. -_-
Let’s don’t go to Chuck Ink’s house for thanksgiving. His turkey still has orifice’s. We put the thermometer in the breast. Great job Dan, now they are going to have to create a new vaccine and scare everyone in the country again. I am panicked already.
Panicking is the only thing that will save you. Spread the word.
You are right to fear squirrels. They are insidious little critters. They look cute and furry at a distance but close up they are vermin. Tread lightly when there are squirrels above, because they love nothing better than to attack defenseless and unsuspecting passers by. But the more diabolical part of their misdirection is to get people to always be looking up and not to be paying attention to where they are walking and sure enough another snail or turtle gets squished. Squirrels are evil.
I couldn’t have put it better myself. It’s a daily paranoia I have that one of these diabolical things will meet the top of my head.
You should wear a hockey helmet, they have a full facial protection
like this one:
http://www.hockeydogs.com/ProductImages/helmets/NB%208500C.jpg
Nice! I can even get it airbrush-painted with a cool design like NHL goalies have. Maybe I can charge for corporate logos on the side like a racecar. Oh the possibilities…
just give in and cover your face with peanutbutter. can’t beat em, join em!
I think I’ll try to beat them at their own game first. Climb above them and drop down. If that doesn’t destroy them, then I may reluctantly surrender.
We don’t have squirrels here in Holland..
Ohw I know what, you could live here…where it’s squirrel-free
But then again…we do have a lot of pigeons…A LOT
I guess there’s just no place that’s perfectly free of droppings from above…
I can deal with pigeons. An umbrella keeps me safe from them. Though that would mean a lot of car washing…
ha! the ice bag and thermometer are nice touches in that last panel.
so were the turkeys behind the avian flu scare a few years back!? I KNEW IT.
Yeah they did quite a number on us last time. They even made an Avian Flu movie! Let’s see what they drum up this time…
That makes you ponder whether the pig population is rising due to fear of actually eating them.
I’ve heard that there have been mass slaughters of pigs, actually, mistakenly thinking that would help. I can’t remember where that happened.
brilliant little turkeys. Though I doubt America would ever… EVER… forget about The Big Gluttony Holiday of the year.
Love the monologue on squirrels, lol. This is why I bring my dog, squirrels go flying in the opposite direction.
Oh my dog would chase the squirrels away, but only after they’ve fallen from my hair.
They could also try to encourage people to eat tofurky…. then again, that might backfire..
It could. It could just cause everyone to crave the real thing.
A branch fell on the road in front of my car once.
Ok it was a coconut tree fond… still is scratched my bumper bad.
I’d rather my bumper get scratched than my head, with squirrel claws.
That would be a pretty good to cancel Thanksgiving alright.
Unless we all eat tofu, as Jeromatic suggested. Not sure if that would catch on, though.
Is Fiona apple on thier board of directors?
I’m not sure if the board of directors is that weird, but maybe
I tried starting a ‘Work Flu’ scare, but it just didn’t take…. : (
I’ll try that at my job and let you know if I have any better luck.
Turkey Flu sounds a bit more scary! Might lose your head or soemthing with that one…
Very true, look out for it.
These turkeys are winning! The TV networks are starting their holiday programs next week… BEFORE thanksgiving!! Who da heck wants to see if Herbie becomes a dentist before we’ve even chipped a tooth on Aunt Bertha’s dry turk… o.O ….
“I’ve heard that there have been mass slaughters of pigs, actually, mistakenly thinking that would help. I can’t remember where that happened.” — D. Long
It happened in Egypt. Now Cairo has huge piles of trash that would normally be eaten by the feral pigs. Egypt killed every pig in the country. Syria did too, only in their case it meant slaughtering the two domestic porcine animals at the national zoo.
Geez, you’d think that before slaughtering every pig in sight thinking it would help, you might, you know, ask a doctor? I wonder who authorized that.