PleaseHello! I think if I were ever in a rock band, I’d play the conch. Because then I’d have the rock cred from being part of the band, but I wouldn’t have the pressure that comes along with playing, say, the electric guitar. Think about it. Have you ever left a concert and turned to your buddy to say, “Man they rocked the house! But that conch player totally blew his solo, though.”

No, you haven’t. For two reasons: One, the odds of a spontaneous pun like that are very slim in real life, and two, everyone cheers for the conch player no matter what. Well, except for maybe the snooty conch instructor in the lawn seats who just sat there and judged the whole time.