Hey everyone, if you weren’t aware, today is Valentine’s Day! I’m going to celebrate by going to buy a new pair of shoes. I’ll probably see all the Valentine’s Day decorations, though, and get swept up in the moment, and start proposing marriage to every human I meet, and if anybody says “yes,” I’ll be like, “Whoa, slow down here, we just met.” Then I’d think of a lame excuse to book it out of there, but then I’d loop around and “randomly bump into them” twenty minutes later, wearing a different outfit. I’d say, “Oh…hey there. I see you’re still doing well. Um…Listen, about how we parted ways,” and then they’ll put their finger up to my mouth and say, “Shhh…I never forgot about you. About us. I’m still wearing the same outfit I was wearing the moment we met.”  …and honestly I won’t know what to do at that point due to the combination of awkwardness and creepiness because, man, I just went to get a pair of shoes and what is all this now? This is exactly what I dislike about Valentine’s Day.